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All The President's Women

It warms the cockles of my heart to know Anthropological Department, and asked him
that in this great country of ours any to conduct a little survey of his own.
little boy can grow up to be a president (You may remember Dr. Jing as the
who can't keep his line item veto in his inventor of the much-maligned, sponge
pants.When the news broke that President toilet seat in the late seventies.)
Bill Clinton had been accused of having Always willing to do his part for science
"an improper sexual relationship" with a and an old drinking buddy, Dr. Jing
21-year old White House intern named surveyed 12 coeds who attend his freshman
Monica Lewinsky, and that he supposedly Apolitical Ethics class, 4 lunchroom
asked her to lie to cover up the affair, ladies he found unloading a dog food
I didn't quite know what to think. So, as truck out back of the cafeteria, and 3
I usually do in times of quandary, I let female colleagues who were smoking
the little voices in my head fight it Virginia Slims cigarettes and drinking
out.The voting Republican in me did a International Coffee in the teacher's
little dance and said, "Aha, we've got lounge. Dr. Jing asked these women a
him now! Slick Willy is going down! series of carefully-researched questions
Somebody get Ronald Reagan on the concerning the allegations against the
phone!"The pragmatist in me (he's the President. Of the women surveyed:89%
serious looking one with no friends) believe Clinton is guilty of sexual
said, "Now hold on a minute, you guys. misconduct, but if he promises to never
Let's not pass judgement until we have play the saxophone again, they will
all the facts. Don't forget what we did forgive him.
to Michael Jackson and poor Tonya 53% found Bill Clinton sexually
Harding!"The Aaron Spelling in me said, appealing in a "used car salesman sort of
"What an evil vixen this Monica Lewinsky way."
must be! She probably concocted the whole 71% think the only woman in Washington
ugly story because President Clinton, Clinton isn't sleeping with is his wife.
being the champion of morality that he And 99% said that if Bill Clinton did
is, spurned her sleazy attempts at have sex with a woman other than his wife
seduction. What a feather in her Gucci and did ask her to lie to cover his
cap that would have been, seducing the behind, his behavior is not surprising
President of the United States! I'm because it was... typically male. Damn.
surprised she didn't try to sing at his As a man who has painted himself into
birthday party!"And that little part of more corners than Wile E. Coyote, here's
me which is a member in good standing of my advice for Bill Clinton: Interrupt the
the "I'm A Guy So Sue Me Club" said, last episode of Seinfeld with a live,
"Why, Bill Clinton, you old son of a televised press conference, then step up
gun..."What I find surprising about these to the microphone and say: "Okay,
allegations is that the focus is not on America, you got me. I admit it. I had
whether there was an improper sexual sex with Gennifer Flowers and Monica
relationship, but on whether Billy Boy Lewinsky and I asked them both to lie
told Miss Monica to lie about it if about it. And I tried to have sex with
questioned. Telling her to lie under oath Paula Jones, but her nose kept getting in
could lead to charges of obstruction of the way! So now that you know the truth,
justice and perjury, offenses punishable America, I say to you, 'So what?' You
by fines, imprisonment, and forced want to impeach me? You want me to step
exposure to Janet Reno's Panama City down? Well, before you do, let me say
vacation video.In other words, it's okay just two words: Al Gore.""Mr. President!
to have sex with someone other than your Mr. President! Sam Donaldson, ABC
spouse, just don't lie about it if an News!""Hold your water, Sam. I'm not
independent counsel happens to stop by answering any questions tonight. I'm
with a six pack of beer and a briefcase already late for quarter beer and wings
full of subpoenas.A recent network news night at Hooter's and after that I'm
poll showed that 58% of women surveyed being made an honorary member of the
felt that, even if the sexual allegations Kennedy family. So good night, all, and
against Clinton are true, it has no God bless America."Perhaps Secretary of
bearing on his ability to run this Defense William Cohen put it up best when
country. The respondents called Clinton's he told Larry King: "I would have to say
behavior, "typically male," which means: he (Clinton) is one of the smartest
he's a man, that's what they do. I'm people I've ever met. His grasp of
personally insulted by such complex situations is incredible. He
generalizations because I know the stays on top of everything. I like a
typical male couldn't get himself hands-on president."Don't we all, Mr.
embroiled in a sex scandal with a 21-year Cohen. Don't we all.From "Small Business
old woman if he tried! Uh, so I Q&A" With Tim Knox
hear.Having lost all faith in the network Tim Knox is a nationally-known
news polls, I contacted my old friend and entrepreneur, author, speaker, and radio
mentor, Dr. Beechwood A. Jing, Professor show host.
Emiritis at the South Hampton Institute Tim has helped hundreds of entrepreneurs
of Technology's Hammond-Eggar realize their business dreams.




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