| Like Wayne Rooney, I'm a lover of the old. I'm never | | | | are on fire, Reading will feel the heat at 2/7. |
| happier than when some wrinkled old | | | | I was not a happy bunny when Arsenal let me down |
| seaside-bungalow hogger is regaling me with tales of | | | | for an accer last week. I haven't felt such intense |
| a bygone age. | | | | disappointment since Maggie Thatcher was released |
| If my old man is to be believed, and he's not, football | | | | from hospital. The Gunners will almost certainly make |
| was completely different in the old days. Goals were | | | | amends at 2/7 against a goal-shy Middlesbrough. |
| celebrated by a handshake, an assault on a | | | | I hold no grudge against Arsenal for their slip-up at |
| goalkeeper was practically encouraged and heading | | | | Wigan: I know what it's like to be tucked up by an |
| the ball led to a short stay in hospital, which was | | | | ugly pitch. Bolton will also struggle at the JJB, I'm |
| basically a shed with a sponge. | | | | siding with the draw at 23/10. |
| I'm unsure of the best way of handling the elderly | | | | If David Bentley was made of chocolate, he'd |
| when they reach such a constant state of dull | | | | probably eat himself. That's something I would never |
| reflection, but only a fool should rule out euthanasia. | | | | do - I refuse to queue-jump. People will be lining up |
| It looks like Avram Grant will soon be put out of his | | | | to back Blackburn at 2/1 against a struggling West |
| misery; Sunderland can lend a helping hand at 7/1. | | | | Ham. |
| Mohammed Al Fayed is another pensioner who | | | | I know pensioners enjoy a little whinge, but Sir Alex |
| appears to have lost the plot. He's gone from | | | | Ferguson took the art of complaining to a new level |
| Coleman to Sanchez to Hodgson; he's only one step | | | | in last week's extraordinary post-match interview. For |
| away from a Souness. Everton will make Fulham pay | | | | me, Fergie has been on a slippery slope since that |
| the ultimate price at 6/5. | | | | Pikey punched him in the nuts; shame on you Mr |
| Time has also caught up with the once sharp Harry | | | | Savage. Fergie will get revenge when United ease |
| Redknapp. The technophobic manager's memory is in | | | | past Derby at 1/5. |
| such a poor state, he's now being cordial to the BBC. | | | | With old people, you have to be thankful for small |
| The old people alliance will not be amused by this | | | | mercies. I remember walking in on my old man as he |
| shock development. I'll be splitting my sides when the | | | | watched Baywatch, and I was shocked to see his |
| Villa leave Fratton Park with the win at 21/10. | | | | hand moving up and down on his lap. Fortunately, it |
| If Derby are dead and Fulham are dying, then | | | | was just Parkinson's. Tottenham are one win away |
| Newcastle have just found a rather large mole. I can | | | | from their 4th straight double over Manchester City; |
| certainly empathise; I wake up next to a large lump | | | | I'll be shaking if they fail to oblige at 9/5. |
| every morning. A bet on Birmingham to beat | | | | I speak in jest at the plight of the elderly, but it's |
| Newcastle at 13/10 will lead to a substantial growth in | | | | criminal that they have to live on such a pittance. I |
| the betting bank. | | | | was left dumbstruck when I cashed in the old man's |
| Now that Rafa Benitez has finally came to his senses, | | | | pension - I could only afford six cases of lager. |
| Liverpool's results have improved dramatically. I can't | | | | Arsenal, Everton, Tottenham and Birmingham form a |
| think of anyone who was a fan of the rotation | | | | pleasing 16/1 accer that will allow me the opportunity |
| policy, other than Alex Gerrard. Liverpool and Torres | | | | to pay him back in full. Maybe. |