| It warms the cockles of my heart to know that in | | | | conduct a little survey of his own. (You may |
| this great country of ours any little boy can grow up | | | | remember Dr. Jing as the inventor of the |
| to be a president who can't keep his line item veto in | | | | much-maligned, sponge toilet seat in the late |
| his pants.When the news broke that President Bill | | | | seventies.) Always willing to do his part for science |
| Clinton had been accused of having "an improper | | | | and an old drinking buddy, Dr. Jing surveyed 12 coeds |
| sexual relationship" with a 21-year old White House | | | | who attend his freshman Apolitical Ethics class, 4 |
| intern named Monica Lewinsky, and that he | | | | lunchroom ladies he found unloading a dog food truck |
| supposedly asked her to lie to cover up the affair, I | | | | out back of the cafeteria, and 3 female colleagues |
| didn't quite know what to think. So, as I usually do in | | | | who were smoking Virginia Slims cigarettes and |
| times of quandary, I let the little voices in my head | | | | drinking International Coffee in the teacher's lounge. |
| fight it out.The voting Republican in me did a little | | | | Dr. Jing asked these women a series of |
| dance and said, "Aha, we've got him now! Slick Willy | | | | carefully-researched questions concerning the |
| is going down! Somebody get Ronald Reagan on the | | | | allegations against the President. Of the women |
| phone!"The pragmatist in me (he's the serious looking | | | | surveyed:89% believe Clinton is guilty of sexual |
| one with no friends) said, "Now hold on a minute, you | | | | misconduct, but if he promises to never play the |
| guys. Let's not pass judgement until we have all the | | | | saxophone again, they will forgive him. |
| facts. Don't forget what we did to Michael Jackson | | | | 53% found Bill Clinton sexually appealing in a "used |
| and poor Tonya Harding!"The Aaron Spelling in me | | | | car salesman sort of way." |
| said, "What an evil vixen this Monica Lewinsky must | | | | 71% think the only woman in Washington Clinton |
| be! She probably concocted the whole ugly story | | | | isn't sleeping with is his wife. |
| because President Clinton, being the champion of | | | | And 99% said that if Bill Clinton did have sex with a |
| morality that he is, spurned her sleazy attempts at | | | | woman other than his wife and did ask her to lie to |
| seduction. What a feather in her Gucci cap that | | | | cover his behind, his behavior is not surprising |
| would have been, seducing the President of the | | | | because it was... typically male. Damn. As a man who |
| United States! I'm surprised she didn't try to sing at | | | | has painted himself into more corners than Wile E. |
| his birthday party!"And that little part of me which is | | | | Coyote, here's my advice for Bill Clinton: Interrupt the |
| a member in good standing of the "I'm A Guy So | | | | last episode of Seinfeld with a live, televised press |
| Sue Me Club" said, "Why, Bill Clinton, you old son of a | | | | conference, then step up to the microphone and say: |
| gun..."What I find surprising about these allegations is | | | | "Okay, America, you got me. I admit it. I had sex |
| that the focus is not on whether there was an | | | | with Gennifer Flowers and Monica Lewinsky and I |
| improper sexual relationship, but on whether Billy Boy | | | | asked them both to lie about it. And I tried to have |
| told Miss Monica to lie about it if questioned. Telling | | | | sex with Paula Jones, but her nose kept getting in |
| her to lie under oath could lead to charges of | | | | the way! So now that you know the truth, America, |
| obstruction of justice and perjury, offenses | | | | I say to you, 'So what?' You want to impeach me? |
| punishable by fines, imprisonment, and forced | | | | You want me to step down? Well, before you do, |
| exposure to Janet Reno's Panama City vacation | | | | let me say just two words: Al Gore.""Mr. President! |
| video.In other words, it's okay to have sex with | | | | Mr. President! Sam Donaldson, ABC News!""Hold your |
| someone other than your spouse, just don't lie about | | | | water, Sam. I'm not answering any questions tonight. |
| it if an independent counsel happens to stop by with | | | | I'm already late for quarter beer and wings night at |
| a six pack of beer and a briefcase full of | | | | Hooter's and after that I'm being made an honorary |
| subpoenas.A recent network news poll showed that | | | | member of the Kennedy family. So good night, all, |
| 58% of women surveyed felt that, even if the | | | | and God bless America."Perhaps Secretary of |
| sexual allegations against Clinton are true, it has no | | | | Defense William Cohen put it up best when he told |
| bearing on his ability to run this country. The | | | | Larry King: "I would have to say he (Clinton) is one of |
| respondents called Clinton's behavior, "typically male," | | | | the smartest people I've ever met. His grasp of |
| which means: he's a man, that's what they do. I'm | | | | complex situations is incredible. He stays on top of |
| personally insulted by such generalizations because I | | | | everything. I like a hands-on president."Don't we all, |
| know the typical male couldn't get himself embroiled | | | | Mr. Cohen. Don't we all.From "Small Business Q&A" |
| in a sex scandal with a 21-year old woman if he tried! | | | | With Tim Knox |
| Uh, so I hear.Having lost all faith in the network news | | | | Tim Knox is a nationally-known entrepreneur, author, |
| polls, I contacted my old friend and mentor, Dr. | | | | speaker, and radio show host. |
| Beechwood A. Jing, Professor Emiritis at the South | | | | Tim has helped hundreds of entrepreneurs realize |
| Hampton Institute of Technology's Hammond-Eggar | | | | their business dreams. |
| Anthropological Department, and asked him to | | | | |